Not Saying Goodbye
by Cosmic Humor
Summary: Regrets suck. Deeds done, things said. Sometimes it sucks more when you think about the stuff you didn't do and didn't say. Faith/Wesley


It was Wesley's stuff. Angel had brought it over to England with him. Faith was more than a little angry that Angel hadn't told him. It hadn't been like she had been really close with Wesley, but still... the dude was her watcher.

"Looking through my stuff, Faith?"

Faith was startled as she turned saw Angel walking down the stairs. She was having a harder time getting used to him. He'd changed a lot, then again so did she.

"Just... you didn't tell me you had his stuff." Faith said.

"I didn't think it was going to be a thing you'd want to know about." Angel said. "I'm sorry that I was wrong."

"Don't need to." Faith said. "Just going through some stuff in my head about it. How things went differently. How I was back there. Things I did to him."

"You're a different person now, Faith." Angel said. "Wesley knew that better than anyone."

"Yeah, and I owe a lot of that to him." Faith answered. "Almost as much as you, really. He screwed up big time but he tried. And he more than made up for it the second time around. Sometimes I think about what passed. Maybe if I had been less of a bitch... there could have been more there."

"You really think so?" Angel asked.

Faith picked up another item from the assorted box of things that belonged to the late Wesley Wyndam-Pryce.

"Yeah, I really do."

.-

_Back Then_

Faith was feeling much better. Her vision quest or whatever it was with Angel had gone off as smoothly as had been expected, and she was entitled to some good ol' R&R before she had to go back to Sunnydale and fight a whole 'nother apocalypse.

That was Wesley had come in, carrying a brown paper bag.

"Hey, Wes." she said dully. "Got anymore pointers or training? Want to set me on some more druggies?"

"Actually," Wesley said. "I was hoping to help you with relaxation."

"Some ancient yoga-meditation thing?" Faith asked. "Or some sort of 'sleep for eight hours in five seconds' spell?"

Wesley pulled the contents of the brown paper bag out. It turned out to be a fifth of Jack and two glasses. "I had a different kind of relaxation in mind."

Faith's eyes lighted up at that. "That's my kind of relaxation, Wes. You bring ice?"

"Faith, please." Wesley answered. "You really think I would waste perfectly perfectly good bourbon like that?"

"Oh man," Faith said. It was going to be her first drink in literally years. "should've figured you'd be a snob about these types of things."

"Just drink..." Wesley said, pouring a glass and handing it to her. "...and enjoy."

Faith graciously accepted and then downed half the glass in one sip.

Wesley paused. "If I had known it was going to go that fast, I would have brought two bottles."

"No worries, Wes." Faith said. She wasn't slurring but she already looked more relaxed. "This'll be plenty. You gonna have some or that other glass just for show?"

Wesley poured himself a drink. "Certainly not."

And so for the night the two of them drank together. Stories of violence and horror became hilarious now that they were on the same side. It was the truest form of forgiveness, one that Angel would never give. After awhile Wesley even went downstairs and got some of Angel's and Gunn's stuff. Angel had really expensive old crap and Gunn had a lot of cheap shit, so they drank more of Gunn's. Enough drinks, though, and stupid questions started flying.

"You never answered me back then though, Wes." Faith said. "You always kinda wanted to fuck me, didn't ya?"

Wesley paused. Maybe sober, he would have been able to poker face his way out of this, but in his current state his old issues were pushing through."Well, that is... errr..."

"I'll take that as a yes."

Wesley was now painfully aware of how close Faith was leaning into him on the couch.

"Hey, Wes... you ever think that if things went different..." she leaned in further, their lips almost touching. The mixed scent of whiskey, ancient wine, and cheap gin flowed into Wesley's nose, making him even more drunk. "...that you and I could have been something different? Am I ain't just talkin' about watcher and slayer."

Wesley couldn't deny that he had entertained the idea. He was male and only human, after all. And Faith was ridiculously beautiful. The kind of beauty that one would think was created in Greek Mythology.

Why was it that he always found himself attracted to women so much younger than himself?

"Faith..." he croaked, his mouth suddenly dry. "I'm not absolutely sure this is a good idea..."

"I'm the freakin' Da Vinci of bad ideas, remember Wes?" she said before pushing her lips up against his. She tasted like that awkward mix of liquors they had been drinking Her mouth was dry from all the liquor they had been drinking and so there wasn't as much saliva to swap as usual.

Finally, Faith broke the kiss off and looked into his eyes. They weren't hungry, they were pleading. They were eyes that had a question.

"So yeah, I know you were gagged that time when I asked you." Faith said, sounding surprisingly apologetic. "But come on, you had to have thought about it once or twice."

The kiss had given Wesley the chance to regain his composure, or maybe the alcohol was just taking enough of a hold that he just didn't care as much as he should.

"I have." he said as steadily as he could manage.

"Then," Faith said, leaning down and and hand crawling down his pants "how about tonight before we saw goodbye we have a little-"

Wesley caught her arm and pulled it out. "Maybe one night..." Wesley said. "...but not tonight."

"This 'cause of that Fred girl?" Faith asked. "'Cause trust me she ain't gonna be angry that you slept with somebody else. Not after what already happened."

Wesley head got a little rush when he remembered Fred's hurt face at learning he had been having sex with Lilah. He shook his head to clear and look her square in the eye. "That has nothing to do with it." he said. "If we do ever end up having copulation-"

"God, you and your stuff language." Faith said.

"If we do ever end up having copulation," Wesley repeated. "it won't be as goodbye."

"You know I might not come back from Sunnydale, right?" Faith asked.

"I have no intention of dying here." Wesley answered. "And you shouldn't have any intention of dying in Sunnydale. We will meet again, and when we do we can have this talk again."

"Sounds like something Angel would say." Faith said. "You gonna start giving me champion speeches now?"

"I'm still your watcher in every way that matters, Faith." Wesley said. "And I just want you safe."

"Gonna be seeing Buffy again." Faith said. "Sometimes I think she'd prefer it if I'd died. Maybe that's kinda what I want. Heroic sacrifice thing, you know. Then she'd hate me less while I was dead."

"Choosing between galvanization in death over hatred in life is a ridiculously stupid choice, Faith."

"Bwuh?" Faith said. "Dumb Boston kid full of booze. Small words please."

"I mean you shouldn't let Buffy's hatred stop you from being happy." Wesley said. "You made mistakes and now she hates you for it. Congratulations, welcome to the consequences of what you did. Now you have to settle things to make things better for you instead of obsessing what some blonde thinks of you."

"A blonde who happens to be the slayer." Faith replied.

"There are two now." Wesley said. "And I prefer brunettes."

"Guess I should count myself lucky then huh?" Faith said. "Hey can I just ask one more favor. We don't have to do nothin' or anything, but... it okay if I stay here tonight?"

"Certainly." Wesley said. He could hardly deny her that. She was a crazy girl, a former killer, and desperately lonely...

Something they both had in common.

"Thanks, Wes." Faith said, leaning her head onto Wesley's chest. It wasn't long before she finally fell asleep.

.-

And here we were. That did turn out to be goodbye. She never had another talk with him. She never found out if they would be the first Watcher and Slayer to end up in the sack together. Okay, almost definitely not the _first _but still...

Faith put down Wesley's journal and turned up the room. Just another person she ended up letting down.

"Hey Wes," she said, talking into the box of his stuff. She didn't know if he could hear him, and this was really stupid but it made her feel better. "I'll make sure to look after Angel, kay?"

Then she walked out of that room and turned the light off.


End file.
